Energy Drains and Unresolved Projects

Following Debbie Ford’s lead in her book, The Best Year of Your Life, I determined that these two qualities are the ones I need to make this year the ‘best year of my life’:

• Self-discipline


• Razor-sharp focus

However, working from home comes with its own bundle of self-discipline and staying-focused challenges. Then you add to that my reoccurring tendency to:

• put too much on my plate


• get overwhelmed


• take a ‘regroup’ nap


• finally get started on a project


• then it’s time to go to an outside appointment

This morning I woke up feeling very foggy, sluggish and scattered – which is a surprise considering that yesterday I had a great day keeping focused and on task. I was really looking forward to doing the same today.

Going through my list of projects at breakfast, trying to get out of the fog and get some energy going, I came up with about 8 hours of action steps that needed to be done. Then I counted the number of hours I have available before going to teach and rehearsals tonight….

There were only 4.5 hours available. (Even thought I got up at 6:00 a.m., taking that ‘regroup’ nap right after coffee and playing with DC (my kitty) set me back a few hours!)

So as I went through the list again, determining which things could wait and which absolutely needed to be done…. Then it hit me…

Unresolved projects drain my energy.

I already know that when I’m working on something and get hung up because of waiting on a decision or feedback from someone else that hasn’t come back in a my-timely fashion, it can really derail me.

Same thing happens when I’m in the middle of a movie and have to stop watching it. I get antsy and pre-occupied with it. (Getting hooked on the show ‘24’ will either cure me of this or drive me insane!)

This happens when I’m in the middle of a project too – especially a composition project.

(Is it even possible for a right-brained circular thinker to learn to ‘compartmentalize’?)

Anyway… I realized that there were two things on my to-do list that were ‘unresolved.’ One I’m waiting on critical feedback from another person. (This project has been unresolved for about two years, going through many attempts to reach the finish line. This is a newly resurrected attempt.)

The other unresolved project is waiting on me! Because I keep putting it off. (It’s a left-brained detail activity that always seems to take way more time than it should!)

Energy drains make it hard to focus.

The ‘waiting for feedback’ project is out of my control. So I have to let that one go. The other, however, IS in my control. So guess I’ll do that one next. AND just so it doesn’t take all of my time this morning, I’ll set a timer to only work on it only one hour. It’s not critical that I finish it today. But it IS critical that I at least get started on it to give it some momentum and give me some energy-drain relief!

Scheduling a couple of projects to do after that hour – ones that absolutely MUST be done today will help motivate the ‘self-discipline’ quality to take charge when the hour timer goes off.

…. That’s my plan for today anyway….

Here’s to continuing the Journey…. and trying to get a handle on the energy drains that steal your focus.

-Becky

The Lord's Prayer (Aramaic to English)

This version of The Lord's Prayer was read as part of my Atlanta women's circle graduation ceremony Sunday evening. I think it is very profound and eye-opening. It really spoke to me, so I wanted to share it with you. (It is translated directly from the Aramaic to English - rather than from Aramaic to Greek to Latin to English. Found in the November 2003 issue of PASHAA.)

O Cosmic birther of all Radiance and Vibration
Soften the ground of our Being
and carve out a space within us
where Your Divine Presence can abide.

Fill us with Creativity
that we may be empowered
to bear the fruit of your mission.

Let each of our actions
bear the fruit in accordance with our desire.

Endow us with wisdom to produce and share
what each Being needs to grow and flourish.

Untie the tangled threads of destiny that binds us
as we release others
from the entanglement of past mistakes*.

Do not let us be seduced by that which diverts us
from our true purpose.
Illuminate the Opportunities of the present moment.

For you are the *ground and fruitful vision,
the birth-power and fulfillment
as all are gathered as one and made whole again.

Amen

*Discrepancies in what was read and what I found on the source website. (Still researching for where the "read" version came from.)

Here's to continuing the Journey.... and offering new food for thought....

-Becky

Self-Sabotage Habits

In my continuing efforts to make 2006 the best year of my life… this morning I was thinking about how I’ve gotten into a self-sabotage habit in my piano practicing.

To begin with, I tend to not even look at the piece until about a week later than I should (estimating the amount of time it will need before its performance.) Then, about two or three days before the event, for some reason or other, I won’t get around to practicing on those days. Which sends me into a panic the day of the performance.

As I was contemplating all this…. and (finally) cleaning my bathroom, I was thinking how good it would feel to walk into a non-disgusting looking bathroom again (… I won’t even say how many weeks… months?.... I’ve let it go … justified, of course by my busy schedule!)

Anyway – I realized that this self-sabotage spills over into just about all areas that have to do with taking care of myself and giving myself the things I know I need…..

So…. I wrote another singing affirmation…. which, actually turned out to be more of a little song…… (one of these day’s I’ll figure out how to record it and get it online…..)

I’m giving up all my self-sabotage habits,
I’m giving up all the things I do that make things hard on me!
I’m giving up all my self-sabotage habits,
And I’m giving myself all the things I know I need.

I give myself love…
I give myself peace…
I give myself joy…
I give myself time to take care of my needs!

I’m giving up all my self-sabotage habits,
I’m giving up all the things I do that make things hard on me!
I’m giving up all my self-sabotage habits,
And I’m giving myself all the things I know I need.

Here’s to continuing the Journey…. giving yourself love, peace, joy and TIME to take care of YOU!

Wanted More Than Anything Else

I’ve been reading Debbie Ford’s book, The Best Year of Your Life. She talks about how we are all “chasing” some feeling – how everything we do, every action we take (or don’t take) is ultimately done because of how we think it will make us feel.

This feeling thing not a new concept. It’s actually been around for thousands of years, as Gregg Braden discovered when he helped translate the Isaiah Scrolls. The scrolls talk about a mode of prayer that has been forgotten through the centuries. In The Isaiah Effect, he explains how this lost mode of prayer – the one that creates miracles in our lives – is praying with the feeling that the prayer has already been answered.

Medical research is now proving that how we feel about ourselves, our experiences, our world, has a direct affect on our bodies. Cell biologist, Dr. Bruce Lipton states that in our evolution from single-celled beings to multi-cellular beings, our brains developed a two-way system of communicating with this “community” of cells. This two-way communication system is our emotions, i.e. our feelings. Emotions color our perception, which shapes our experience of the world around us. The reverse is also true, in that how we perceive our life experiences has a great impact on the emotions we feel. And as he explains in The Biology of Belief, our perceptions stem from our beliefs.

But…. I digress….

As for beliefs…. Being adopted as a young toddler, I’ve always had an “I’m not wanted” issue (i.e. limiting belief). I realized that the feeling I’ve been “chasing” most of my life has been the feeling of being adored, cherished and wanted... or rather, not just wanted, but wanted more than anything else!

My epiphany this morning was the realization that all these years…. I haven’t wanted myself more than anything else either! (duh!)

I shutter to think how many times I’ve given my Self away for the (hoped for) feeling of being wanted more than anything else…. when all I really had to do was want ME, value my Self more than anything else. BE first place in my own life!

Now, I don’t mean the narcissistic, hey look at me kind of self-absorption.

I’m talking about the healthy, self-esteem kind of inner worth that radiates from the inside out.

Being first place in your own life isn’t really valued in our society – especially for women. The religious and cultural training is to put others first and yourself last. But every time I fly on an airplane, I’m reminded that this ain’t necessarily so! In the safety instructions, they always say when the oxygen mask falls, put it on yourself first THEN help the ones around you.

They never say work quickly and help as many people as you can before you pass out.

I’m wondering if perhaps it is part of my mission in life to learn to want my Self more than anything else so that I can teach others how to value themselves more than anything else…..?

Here’s to continuing the Journey…. being wanted and learning to want my Self more than anything else!

-Becky

Ready to Move Forward?

I am ready to move forward in a BIG way.

The last two weeks have been sort of an “incubation” period recuperating from the hellacious fall semester and regrouping for the next one…. And now I’m Ready!

So, with goals in hand, giving me a clear direction of where I want to go in 2006, the first thing I did was hire a coach.

Some of the things I want to accomplish have been on my goals list for years and for one reason or another, I keep letting “life” get in the way of accomplishing them - like being a working, PAID composer!

Several weeks ago I had one of those epiphany moments and realized that all my life, I’ve been waiting for it to magically happen. Sure, I’ve continued to write music and other people know that’s one of the things I do, but the “paid” part of it has been extremely lacking!

And I’m ready to get paid for it!

I have some ideas of how to make that happen. However, history has proven that I can not do it by myself…… and there’s nothing wrong with that. One of the first steps in any kind of change is realizing you need help.

So I called my coach and mentor, Coach Kathy, and said, “I’m ready… let’s get to it!”

How about you? Do you have a clear direction? A specific focus? Do you know where you want to be this time next year?

If you don’t know where you’re going, you will probably end up somewhere else. - Laurence J. Peter

Here’s to continuing the Journey…. choosing a specific path, saddling up for the trip, and taking that first step!

-Becky

P.S. If you’d like help choosing your “path” and setting up your top three goals for 2006, you can get a FREE Goals Report here. It comes with an optional FREE coaching session with Coach Becky :)

Will You Choose Peace?

If there is to be peace in the world, there must be peace in the nations.
If there is to be peace in the nations, there must be peace in the cities.
If there is to be peace in the cities, there must be peace between neighbors.
If there is to be peace between neighbors, there must be peace in the home.
If there is to be peace in the home, there must be peace in the heart.
- Lao-Tse, 5th Century BCE

The holidays can be stressful times with all the traffic, shopping, cooking, planning, traveling.... And when we're busy and under pressure, it's easy to get caught up in the "dance" of reacting. In this dance, tempers may flair, angry words may fly; or feelings or words may be withheld in silence. Neither extreme leads to happy holidays!

If you find yourself reacting, take a deep breath and give yourself an extra moment to choose a different way to respond. There is always another choice. And in the choosing there is power.

Will you choose peace?

If you'd like to read more on "choosing peace," here's a link to the Peace issue of my ezine, Create a Happy 'Tude. Enjoy!

May your holidays be filled with Peace.... in your heart.

Here's to continuing the Journey..... and choosing peace in every moment.

-Becky

Happy Winter Solstice

Tonight will be the longest night of the year in the Northern Hemisphere. In the coming days, there will start to be more daylight as the nights grow shorter.

Celebrating this time of growing light in the midst of the winter's darkness, symbolized hope for our ancestors. The Christian Church melded this holiday with it's own celebration of the birth of the Christ Child, also a symbol of light coming into the darkness of the world. (more detailed history here)

However you celebrate the season, take a few moments to stop and reconnect with your highest potential and celebrate the birth of the Light within yourself.

Let go of old resentments and ill feelings toward people who have treated you badly in some way. Let go of whatever is keeping you focused on the past.

Imagine.... what would it feel like to step into 2006 with a clean slate - without any baggage?

As the new year approaches, set an intention to move forward with your dreams, your goals, your life... and make 2006 the best year ever!

To get started, try this Five-Minute Winter Solstice Meditation from Stuart Wilde
(excerpt from his December 15th "A" List Newsletter. To sign up, go to www.stuartwilde.com)

At midnight go outside or stand on a balcony and face north. Take an ice cube
with you in your left hand. And place your right hand on your heart and take
three deep breaths and relax. Then in your mind’s eye, bring up anyone that
you hold rancor or resentment toward - people that have ripped you off or
treated you badly. Bring the first one in your mind’s eye and breath them in
eleven times and as you breath out send them love and wish them well in life,
release them from your energy. Then bring up the next one and so forth until you
are done. Then finally when you are finished, take eleven very special
breaths for yourself; forgive yourself for any shortcomings and vow to become a
better person in this next year. The ice cube is there to remind you of the
freezing cold ambience of hell. And as it melts in your hand it also reminds you
how energy draining are anger, resentment and conflict.

See you at midnight!

Here's to continuing the Journey.... releasing the past and stepping into your full potential.

-Becky

What Temperment Are You?

Just took this test from Blogthings.... some characteristics didn't really fit, but the ones that did were real zingers!! Very revealing.....

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace. You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions. You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected. It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional. You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others. While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well. At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything. You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams. You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.

What Temperment Are You?

Here's to continuing the Journey.... and learning more about yourself everyday!

-Becky

The Secret

Coming in February.... Watch the trailer and spread the word!

Here's to continuing the Journey.... and the search for Truth!

-Becky

I'm a Calm and Centered Woman

It's time for the big finish - the rush for the end of the semester.... and the next three weeks are going to put my already overly busy schedule into hyper-overdrive - my private studio students, UAH students, finals, juries, grades due, extra rehearsals, Christmas programs and musicals, special music to prepare..... on top of composition projects, starting up a new business (www.weddingmusicmadeforyou.com) and trying to expand my coaching practice.....

Yesterday morning, thinking about all this and wondering how in the heck I was going to make it through all this without losing my mind (or without falling flat on my face and doing a totally lousing job on everything!) I decided some emergency measures were needed, so I started thinking....

What are my intentions for these next few weeks? What do I really want? How do I want to feel?

• I want to feel a sense of inner peace and calmness - no matter what busy, rushed, chaotic or stressful scenario might be happening around me. I want to be at peace inside myself.
• I want a clear, focused mind as I work on each project and event. I want to be able to make good decisions quickly and be able to work efficiently and effectively. There's no time for dilly-dally or overwhelm. I need razor-sharp focus and a clear mind.
• I want a sense of being grounded and centered, with feet firmly planted on earth, totally involved in each moment. I also want to be open to intuitive guidance and have a sense of connection to spirit, the universe, God, the source of all that is. Sort of "in the world, but not of it" as it says in the Bible.

Cool. However... I knew that in the middle of a stressful moment, I would never in a million years remember all this..... so I started putting it in a more summarized statement - an affirmation that I could easily remember.

And as soon as I started doing that, the "Musical Becky" took over. Here's what I ended up with..... sung to the tune "Another Brick in the Wall" - or at least, the way I remembered it! (it starts at the part where the kids are singing "we don't need no education..." The third phrase is where the "creative remembering" kicked in, so it doesn't match Pink Floyd's version exactly!)

I'm a calm and centered woman; Quick decisions, razorsharp focus; Firmly in the moment while I'm walking with Spirit; Hey, watch me - I can do it all.

Then, of course, I got really carried away singing and dancing and..... well, having a good ol' time.... until I realized I'd used up all my extra time and had to finish getting ready quickly and run out the door.... late again!

But... by golly, do you know what?

That night, after a long busy day, I came home feeling excited and happy. Nothing that great or really exciting happened. It was just a regular day. But for some reason, I felt "on top of the world"!

Same thing happened tonight. Walked in the door feeling happy, excited and "on top of the world"!

Hm.... I wonder.... was it the singing or the dancing that made the difference......??

Here's to continuing the Journey.... singing, dancing.... setting intentions.... and having a jolly ol' time!

-Becky

P.S. I downloaded Pink Floyd's version (part 2) and I'll probably change the 3rd phrase to match his melody (which is way better than my shady memory version!) That would make it something like:

I'm a calm and centered woman; Quick decisions, razorsharp focus; Firmly grounded in the moment; while I'm walking with Spirit; Hey, watch me - I can do it all.

The Apostle's Creed Hymn

It's finally PUBLISHED! Signed the contract November 14, 2001... but who's counting days, months, years...?!

It's in Hope Publishing's new on-line hymnal. Check it out and tell me what you think.

No, really..... please check it out. I see some major problems with their on-line format - one being that they are way too trusting. You can download a copy. But then it's up to the dowloader to come back and fill out the official form to make multiple copies and pay for that priviledge.

There are other on-line catalogues that you can look, listen and print out a page. Some even have the word "sample" encoded in the background. Some you can download the pdf file, but you can't print it. But to be able to print out the whole piece, you pay first. Here are just a few:

• PepperMusic
• SheetMusicDirect
• MusicNotes

When you get a few minutes, please check out Hope Publishing's on-line hymnal and give me some feedback. I think their system has enormous potential for abuse. But I do realize that I am slightly biased! So I'd really like some "outsider" viewpoints before I write them a letter.

Also, they have no mention of any composer for the hymn tune when you click on a hymn to view the lyrics and credits. (I looked at several other selections also. No composer for any of them.) That does not make me happy either.

On the other hand..... I do think it's fascinating that I got this letter (the long awaited for over the past four years letter) that the piece is finally being published after deciding on my new intention to BE a working, money-generating composer.....

Here's to continuing the Journey... setting intentions and then watching in amazement at how eveything falls into place!

-Becky

God's in His Heaven....

Just a few minutes ago I was sitting outside my apartment, enjoying the view of the nearly full moon shining throught the branches of the three that grows between the windows of my apartment and the small city park that is my "back yard," breathing in the cool night air and feeling extremely blessed and excited about life.

This past week, I had a hugh a-ha moment and realized that I'd been waiting on my dream of "writing music and having people pay me for it" to come to me.... I've been waiting on it to just "happen"!

Well.... in 47 years it hasn't "happened " - mainly because I haven't actively and consistently pursued it! I've allowed other things to take away my focus. (... and then I'd find myself in a draining, depressing life situation.... well, duh!!)

I realized this week that if my dream is to be, then it's up to me to make it happen! If I'm going to write music and get paid for it, then I have to set that intention and GO FOR IT!

I've tried taking tangents, beating around the bush and all sorts of other stall tactics, while all the time "wishing" that I had time to write music.... and, of course, that hasn't worked.

This week I realized that I've done everything BUT live my dream... And now there is no other choice.

And that's how intentions are born. In a way, it's like Thelma and Louise... all other choices are gone... this is it.... "feel the fear and do it anyway" ..... there is nothing left to loose....

So. Just for the record, I would like to state that.... (ahem...)

I am a working composer, supporting myself by writing music and getting paid for it through commissions and sales.

(I hear the Angels celebrating... yahoo!)

Stay tuned for more details! In the meantime....

Here's to continuing the Journey.... learning, growing, expanding, stepping out... and loving it! God's in his "heaven" and in this moment... all is right with the world!

-Becky

Who Are You?

It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are.
-- e.e. cummings

I love that quote! It came today in an email I received.

It reminds me of a quote by Mary Hoffman, Childrens Choir Director at Peachtree, who in one of those impromptu, side-track "lecturettes" you get into sometimes while working with children and youth choirs, said....

Who you are is enough....

I think we all struggle at some point in our lives with feelings of inadequacy or not feeling quite good enough. But the truth is, we are plenty good enough. It's just our dwelling on the "lack" that clouds the "plenty" from our view.

In working with this "good enough" issue and trying to figure out who the Real Becky is, over the past few years, I've realized that I've always known who she is.... It's just the "having the courage to grow up," to let go of the fears and feelings of inadequacy part that's kept me from moving forward and embracing her completely.

But I'm making strides and can feel (and see) the Real Becky showing up more and more these days. I also know that whoever I am is enough - whether it's 100% Real Becky or 2% Real Becky. Because either way, it's ME in that moment!

It does take courage to grow up and be who you really are.... and that's why I'm on this Journey. I want to reach my full potential and even go beyond it. I want to make a difference in this world. And I want to help others reach their potential....

And to do that, I have to be 100% Becky - 100% who I really am!

Here's to continuing the Journey... learning about, growing into and becoming who you really are!

-Becky

New Baby, Laundry & Practice

The result of an intention-setting, synchronistic miracle opportunity that just sort of fell into my lap.... it arrived yesterday......

My first Grand Piano!

And of course, DC immediately gave it a thorough going over!

Today was a blast! Sort the laundry and put in the first load, sit down and practice.... put clothes in the dryer, go practice..... realize the dryer stopped awhile ago.... practice just a few more minutes.... an hour later, take a break and do the laundry thing.... sit down and practice some more.... (repeat)....

Yeeeeeee-whooooooo!

Here's to continuing the Journey... and enjoying the miracle of setting intentions!

-Becky

61 Hours

Last night I finally figured out why I'm exhausted all the time......

I'm working five 9 to 12 hour days a week. And that doesn't even count Sunday, which is my shortest work day at 7 hours!

All this makes a whopping grand total of 61 hours, six days a week..... And that's on a good week!

(The past two weeks have NOT been good weeks.)

Then, to make things seem even worse, I did some further analysis.....

• hourly compensation for these fun-filled 61 hours comes to about $15
• only 25 of these hours are spent in actual money-making activities (which includes driving time)
• the other 36 hours are spent in planning, prep, creative brainstorming, admin, practicing, writing, etc all in anticipation of doing the money-making activities

Hm.... something's got to give..... if I can figure out how to whittle down 11 hours, that would give me a 50-hour work week at $18.50 an hour.... (whoo-hoo!! THAT's better!)

There have been two major time gobblers since August. One is the UAH Music Lit class, with an average class prep time of 6 hours (with 2 classes a week, that's 12 hours!!) I'm working on strategies to get that down to 4-6 hours a week. (Keep your fingers crossed!!)

The other time gobbler has been the commissioned piece I've been writing for the Huntsville Brass Band - which is now completed!!!!!!!! (I'm just 'slightly' excited about that!)

I turned in the final version of score and parts last night. The premiere is November 3, Thursday evening, at Trinity United Methodist Church. (Either 7:00 or 7:30, not sure.)

Time spent on it? About 72.5 hours (or more, since I wasn't maticulous about my time-keeping). And if I were going to get paid for it at my current hourly rate of $15 an hour, that time spent would bring in $1087.

Which would actually be pretty cool.... IF it was a paying commission. (I really need to work on the "paying" part of that activity!)

Oh well, great experience.... learned a lot....

((.... now tell me again.... how many more of these do I need to do to get to the paying part?))

Here's to continuing the Journey.... and trying to figure out how to make more money in less time.... or for starters, how to make the SAME money in less time.... that would be good too!

-Becky

That Fuzzy-Brain-Dead Thing

This fall has been non-stop, full-speed-ahead since it began about 3-4 weeks ago!

On top of trying to finish up a commission for the Huntsville Brass Band, (concert November 3 at Trinity), teaching my own students and classes at Water Music Studio, composition students from UAH, and preparing for various concerts and rehearsals at UAH and Trinity, I'm teaching my first "real" class at UAH this semester - Music Liturature.

The class is basically a semester-long study of music - it's history, composers, and their works from the Middle Ages (450) through the 21st Century (today) - for non-musicians. The first unit was all about terms and concepts needed to even discuss music..... Try making that a fun couple of classes for 30-40 accounting, biology, computer and various other science-type majors who are there because they needed the credit hours and this was the only class that would fit in their schedule!!

But somehow, amid the blank stares, yawns and general fumblings of a first-time lecturing classroom teacher, we've made it through the basics, the Middle Ages and the Renaissance, with our first exam on Monday. (For your amusement, you can see class notes and stuff I've set up for them at MU100.)

Some classes have been really good. Most, though, I've walked away feeling rather down about them. It's probably mostly my perfectionism talking.... "You've been teaching for 25 years. You should be able to do this much better than it's all turning out! AND it shouldn't take you 6 or more hours to prepare for one class!"

But, in reality, it does take 6 plus hours - or at least it has been. And I've learned that just because I've done all this preparation doesn't mean I'm necessarily going to feel "prepared" as I walk into class. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.

I've also learned that standing up in front of 30-40 students in a classroom is equivilant to standing up and talking in front of a small audience. And just because I've got my outline and know what I want to say.... it doesn't mean I'm going to remember everything or that I'll be clear-headed enough to even follow my outline when I get in front of them.

I don't know which is more frustrating, the fuzzy-brain-dead thing that hits me without rhyme or reason when I enter the classroom, or the 6 plus hours it takes to prepare (and then the fuzzy-brain-dead thing hits anyway)!

I DO know that I can't keep going this way. If it's going to take at least 6 hours to prepare, then I need to budget for that time. Luckily, with Monday's exam already prepared, I can use my next few planning periods to get ahead on the next unit. Also, now that I've discovered more of the on-line teaching resources that are available, I'm going to change the way I prepare for each class.

And best of all, talking to one of my adult private students who does a lot of classroom teaching, he gave me some of great ideas and strategies for presenting the material and keeping the students involved, awake and yawn-free. (Thanks Tim!!)

So - now with renewed hope in the class planning and presentation department, my mind is free to get back to finishing the Brass Band Piece, which had to take a backseat when UAH classes started...... Yipee!

Here's to continuing the Journey.... learning to juggle projects, speak confidently to groups, and keep that fuzzy-brain-dead thing at bay!

-Becky

I'm Back! (Take 2)

Wow, I haven't written anything here in 19 days! My goodness, how time flies when I can't access the internet 24/7 like I used to be able to do!!

Cable internet. It's not all its cracked up to be! Sometimes I'm on.... sometimes I off.... Seems I just thought I was back 19 days ago!

And it's NOT my computer, by the way. (That seems to be the favorite Cable-Guy default when they can't figure out how to make it all work.) That possible reason was ruled out by my computer tech guru when we eliminated an anti-virus software conflict.

Ah.... unreliability.... it's a real pet-peeve. But now that I've had my 3-minute poopey-time.... I'll get on to what I really wanted to write about.....

Praise for the wonders of internet research!

A friend of mine forwarded one of those if-then chain letters.... you know, the kind that says "send this to ___ people and your life will be ________."

I very rarely forward them. However, I AM an easy prey for quotes.... I LOVE quotes. And this one was full of them - supposidely forwarded by the Anthony Robbins Organizations. It seemed odd to me, though, that a multimillionaire motivational type guy would choose to send a chain letter.... so I went to his site (found through an internet search) and looked around. (I was thinking of putting the quotes here on my blog, but wanted to verify the source first because.... as you know, I AM a sucker for quotes!)

I also want to give accurate information and give credit where credit is due.

There was no mention of the letter on his site, nor could I find any of the quotes from the letter.

SO.... I did an internet search on the first quote from the letter to see if I could find its real owner, but found no one that owned up to saying it. However.... what I did find was fascinating!

There are several websites that list these quotes or a variation of them, along with varying degrees of other quotes as well. Some put their name on it, some attribute it to "unknown", and some leave the by-line completely off, making it look like those words of wisdom came from that website owner/writer's creative pen.

THEN!!

I found the BreaktheChain website! and the TRUTH.... All in less than 10 minutes!

Fascinating!

(It's amazing what a person can do when they can actually get ON the internet! :)

Anyway.... I'm sure you're just squiggling in your chair to find out what the heck are these quotes that I'm talking about!

So, I'll start with the chain letter site so you can see the original letter in question, then give the other sites I looked at. Happy quote reading....

Oh yes, the search was made on this quote (which I still don't know where it originated):

Give people more than they expect

and do it cheerfully.

Here's the links:

• http://www.breakthechain.org/exclusives/lotustotus.html
• http://www.dellwyn.com/thoughts/21_thoughts.html
• http://www.hoodiadietproducts.com/Inspirational/a/25.htm
• http://www.icnc.org/scratchpad/a152.htm
• http://www.therapeuticadventures.com/inspiration.htm (scroll down to "Life's Little Instructions for Life")
• http://www.yogakingdom.com/wisdom/instructions.html
• http://www.storytellers.net/new/gdluckttm.htm

(and that was only a few pages into the search findings!)

I feel I must add this disclaimer.... I am not faulting anyone for spreading motivating or inspiring words, or for passing along quotes of any kind. I'm just a stickler for wanting to know the source. Maybe it's the composer and teacher in me coming out. But I've always been very careful about giving credit when I've used other people's ideas.....

..... At least since 10th grade.... hm..... I just now realized where all this stickler-ish-ness is coming from.... the ONE time I did not pass the credit along to the true owner.... all because I was too shy to speak up....

Been feeling guilty ever since.....

Wow. Guess I'll go do some hail Mary's or count some rosery beads... or better yet, do some tapping (EFT - an amazing technique for clearing out unclaimed baggage!)

Here's to continuing the Journey... searching, finding, and discovering buried issues to clear! Whoo-who, ain't life grand!

-Becky

I'm Back!

I have not been able to get on the internet since July 30. It's only been nine days, but it feels like nine years!

It doesn't make sense why this happened.... I changed hosting companies for my websites, got the new email set up, then poof! No more internet access - yet I was able to continue sending and receiving emails...?

But thanks to the magical handiwork of Matt at Appleberry Technologies, I'm now back on-line!

Thank you, Matt!!

Here's to continuing the Journey... on-line and off!

-Becky

New Chapter

In lots of ways it feels like I'm starting a new chapter....

Just got back from a women's workshop series that I'm taking in Atlanta. This weekend we each told the story of our Spiritual Journey. It was a very bonding, moving experience as each woman shared the struggles and challenges she'd gone through in her life and told of how they'd made her stronger, wiser and more connected to God and to herself.

Telling our stories in a safe, sacred space, we were able to then let all the pain, hardships and baggage of the past go so that we can now embrace the future with a clean slate.

It feels like turning the page to a new chapter.... a fresh, new page full of possibilities, full of the potential to do, be and have whatever our hearts desire. And armed with the wisdom and strength we've gained, we have the opportunity to choose again... to choose this time to learn and grow through joyful, loving experiences instead of through pain.

I am honored to be a part of this circle of beautiful women and to have witnessed their sharing. I am blessed by the experience of sharing my story and of being fully heard, loved and supported.

Thank you.

Here's to continuing the Journey... sharing life stories, letting go of the past and moving forward in joy!

-Becky

Moved and Reconnecting

The past two weeks I've been so focused on packing and moving that I have not raised my head out of "my little world" hardly at all....

When the moving company called last weekend to let me know that if there were 40-50 mile an hour winds, they'd have to reschedule my Monday move, I was really puzzled until someone told me there was a hurricane coming!

And, embarrassingly, I didn't know about the bombings in London until several days afterward.

My sincere apologies to all the people who were affected by these events.... my thoughts and prayers are with you.

My friend Paul in the UK gives some informative links on the London tragedy. He also tells about a great idea for passing along contact info in case of an emergency - ICE (in case of emergency). The idea is to put your emergency contact's name and phone number in your cell phone, for example: ICE - YourContact'sName.

Here's to continuing the Journey... and being reminded again that we are all connected....

-Becky

Deciding the Essence

Somewhere, many years ago I think during my teenage years, I heard or read the phrase: Don't limit God.

The context, as I remember, was to not limit God by telling him exactly what you wanted, what you wanted it to look like, and how you wanted it to appear.

Then, later, reading The 11th Element and other such books, it seemed they were all saying the opposite: Have a clear picture of exactly what you want and why you want it.

What's a girl to do!?

Looking deeper, I see that "Don't limit God" carried with it a sense of unworthiness and judgement, as in, "who do you think You are trying to tell God what to do!?"

So I either ended up apologizing for wanting things, or feeling guilty about wanting and asking, or even worse, going unconscious and just not thinking about what I wanted at all.

On the other hand, when I first read The 11th Element, I wrote my "letter to God" like it suggested and manifested an all expense paid trip to Lithuania. (You can read the story here.)

Since then, however, I haven't been able to get as clear on exactly what I wanted. Maybe that experience scared me since it went so against my childhood "training," I don't know.

Lately though, putting 2 and 2 and 2 together and coming up with 8... (yes 8... I never have liked having to follow someone elses rules!) ... I've realized that this whole "deciding what you want" issue revolves around essence:

Decide the essence of what you want and let God, the Universe, Spirit, whatever you want to name it, take care of the details!

An experience this week brought this idea closer home for me....

I've had this long standing desire to get back to the lifestyle I had when I first began teaching many years ago.... write music, articles, do all the creative stuff in the mornings, then teach in the afternoons, with students coming to me at my home.

Also, in a vision of my "ideal day" written I don't know how many years ago, I saw myself doing all the creative stuff in the mornings and people coming to my home office in the afternoons. I don't remember exactly what I or they were doing, just the essence and the "feeling" of it.

I was hoping, with this move I'm currently in, I'd be able to get back to that sort of daily/weekly schedule.... and was actually being a little stubborn about it, even when a friend kept offering other teaching ideas and possibilities.

Then, two days ago, I received an offer to teach a music appreciation class at UAH this fall. And, with the reality of the move setting in and needing some "for sure" income, (as opposed to "theoretical" income since I haven't started fall registration for my teaching studio yet), how could I refuse?

Besides, this opportunity will help get me a little further along in the stretching-my-comfort-zone goal to feel comfortable speaking in front of groups.

The only problem is that the class meets in the afternoons on Monday and Wednesday - which completely screws my teaching schedule idea!

So... back to the drawing board.... That's when I realized I needed to dig a little deeper and uncover the essence of what I wanted.

Here is what I discovered... I want:

• Peace and harmony within myself,
• To know that the work I do matters, and that it makes a difference in other people's lives,
• To know that I'm living my purpose, that I am doing what I came here to do,
• Financial abundance, with plenty to support my life and my business, and plenty to share,
  
• A sense of connection with God and with other people,
• A sense of being grounded and supported,
• A feeling of freedom, lightness and joy.

All this... or something better! Thank you, God!

Here's to continuing the Journey.... having the courage to decide what you want, and then saying it!

-Becky

The Ultimate Freedom

Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us.

- Stephen Covey, Author and Speaker

This quote came today in one of the daily motivational ezines I subscribe to. It was a nice reminder for me as I'm going through some personal transitions. I thought it was also a good reminder for all of us, whether we're celebrating Independence Day in the U.S. or just enjoying the Monday of a new week.

Take a moment to read the quote again slowly and think about it. It contains the nugget of truth that, I believe, leads to true peace and happiness....

We decide how people, things, situations, and events will affect us. And we have control over our reactions - or non-reactions to them.

In other words, nobody can "make" us mad or "make" us angry or upset, or even "make" us happy. We decide how we will feel.

Granted, a lot of times we may have a "knee-jerk" reaction to something somebody does or says. But that just means we've fallen into an unconscious pattern or habit. It's our choice whether we continue that reaction or whether we dig deeper and discover the core issue so that we can resolve it.

But that takes work, doesn't it?

It's so much easier to blame someone or something. And most likely, we'll even find a few people to support us in our blame game.... And that validation feels soooo good!

Only problem... this road leads to everything but peace of mind and inner happiness.

Is it worth it?

Like breaking any habit, changing a behavior takes conscious, consistent awareness.

The first stage of awareness is noticing - noticing how we respond to people and situations, noticing how we feel in each instance, and making a conscious decision if that's the response we want to continue.

As we go through today, celebrating or working, let's exercise our ultimate freedom - deciding for ourselves how others will affect us.

Remember, it's not Them - it's Us.... It's our own individual, personal choice.

Here's to continuing the Journey... celebrating another day of ultimate freedom - the power to choose!

- Becky

Time Management

The only consistant thing between me and time management is that I continually manage to run out of time.

I am the kind of person who thinks she can do 10 things in one hour.... okay, I'll be more realistic... 5 things in one hour. Then, look up to realize that she's spent over 3 hours on ONE thing!

Like this newsletter that I FINALLY got out this morning. I started (this last stage of it) at 6:30 this morning. It is now 10:10 and I just completed the last step! UGH!!!! All I needed to do was do a final read through and send it to my mailing list.... Ok... so those two things included about 15 steps and a couple of unexpected complications.... but hey! I SHOULD have easily been able to do it in at least TWO hours! Right?

Anyway.... if you'd like to see the finally completed project - (I won't even mention that it was scheduled to go out June 1st!) - here it is: Create a Happy 'Tude - Transitions.

Here's to continuing the Journey.... and managing to get at least ONE project done in a rediculously large amount of time!

-Becky

Honey Moon

Did you seen the full moon (the Honey Moon) Wednesday night? Gorgeous!

Whenever I see a full moon, especially low in the sky like this one, I can't help but take a moment and enjoy its beauty. There's just something about it that draws me in... a sense of magic, wonder and awe....

Traditional astrology says that the Moon signifies change and fickleness, and astrologers have long been aware of its influence on earthly events. Today, there's growing scientific evidence to support theories that were once rejected as superstition. Read more about this research.

The Farmers Almanac, which has monitored astrological activity since 1818, claims that when the Moon occupies a particular place in the Zodiac each day at 7:00 a.m. EST, it can play an important role in achieving the best possible results for certain activities. If you're thinking about starting a new project, cutting your hair, doing a little planting, quitting a habit, or potty training a child, better check the Almanac for the Best Days to ensure your success!

Other interesting links:

History of the Farmer's Almanac. This must be the "new" Farmer's Almanac, as the "Best Days" link above is to the "old" Farmer's Almanac.

Calendar of the Moon's activity. You can even get the RSS feed to be informed daily.

See all the Full Moon names. Seems that farmers refer to the June full moon as a "Strawberry Moon"

Atlas of the Moon. With way too many scientific words for me... but cool pictures!

Today is Mid-Summer - the official middle point of the growing season.

More folklore.

Here's to continuing the Journey... enjoying the Moon's glow and watching with glee as science and folklore meld together!

-Becky

Saturday morning: Forgot to add this yesterday, plus I've been having technical troubles uploading images. But think I may have found a way around it.... Here's the same Moon shot with a little Paint Shop Pro Artistic Brush Strokes....

Happy Summer Solstice

Today the sun will be at its highest elevation, giving us in the Northern Hemisphere, the longest number of daylight hours and the shortest number of night time hours.

The word solstice comes from two Latin words: sol (sun) and sistere (to cause to stand still.) In the days leading up to the summer solstice, the noonday sun rises higher and higher each day. On the day of the solstice, it only rises an itty-bitty, hardly noticeable amount, and so, seems to stand still.

Summer Solstice is known by many names – All-couples day, Midsummer, Feast of St. John the Baptist, Gathering Day, Litha, etc. It’s also celebrated by many cultures and faiths, both ancient and modern – China, Celtic, Christian, Native Americans, Neopaganism, Prehistoric Europe, etc.

Stonehenge is probably the most famous of the ancient stone structures built to mark the sun’s rising. But there are Native American structures as well. Calendar One* is in a 20 acre natural amphitheatre in Vermont. Bighorn Medicine Wheel is west of Sheridan, Wyoming along with 40 or more similar “wheels” on the high plains of the Rocky Mountains. There are also some in Canada. The term “medicine wheel” was coined by Europeans as a term to describe “anything native that white people didn’t understand.”

So what’s all the big deal about the summer solstice?

To ancient cultures, more hours of sunlight meant warmer weather. Warmer weather thawed the ground and melted the snow. It allowed flowers and herbs to grow and leaves to return to the trees. And most important – it made food was easier to find! This midsummer time also marked the middle of the growing season for most of Europe. With the planting done and a few months to go before the crops could be harvested, it was a natural time for celebrating!

It was also a good time for weddings. Traditionally, the best time to harvest honey from the hives was around the first full moon in June – called the Honey Moon. With this fresh supply of honey, newly wed couples were fed lots of dishes and beverages made with honey during the first month of their married life. This encouraged love and fertility. The surviving remnant of this tradition continues today in the holiday couples share immediately after the ceremony – the Honeymoon.

For more information, visit Summer Solstice (where I got most of my info). * Sorry, could not find a website for Calendar One, Vermont - only mentions of it on two other websites: Sacred Sites and Burlington News.

For a look at European sources and links to Stonehenge, visit my friend Paul’s weblog, Off the Beaten Track.

Here's to continuing the Journey... enjoying the sunshine and learning more about our cultural history.

- Becky

Resistance, Reluctance, or Time Out?

I've been trying to figure out this muck I’ve been sitting in the past couple of weeks - thinking that if I can understand it (meaning name it, embrace it, figure out what it’s trying to tell me) then, I can get myself the heck out of it!

At first I called it resistance.

Using a stream-of-consciousness journaling technique, I began asking questions. With this, I discovered a fear of success hiding under the resistance. I was also reminded that overwhelm is one of my favorite methods of self-sabotage.

Talking to a friend a couple of days ago, she too was commenting about being in a resistance mode. She’d just finished several big projects and completed a four-year training course. As she talked about just letting go and letting herself be resistant, I realized that, while trying to let myself be however I needed to be after my crazy busy school year (or two or three… or seven…) I was also laying a guilt trip on myself for not being done with it already. After all, two months ago, I’d laid out all my summer projects on the calendar and here it was mid-June and none of them had been completed yet!

Getting my June newsletter out was one of those projects – was due June 1. Typically, I figure out the topic for the newsletter whenever it comes due, using a topic from whatever’s been going on with me or in my life.

But with all the resistance…. this strategy was not working. (And, yes, I do realize that in-the-moment-topic-searching is not really a good strategy for keeping a monthly newsletter going, but….)

Today, I went to Answers.com and searched for definitions, trying to at least get a starting point for just sitting down and writing something! I found an interesting definition for resistance.

Resistance - a process in which the ego opposes the conscious recall of anxiety-producing experiences.

Huh?

Further down the page I found an English translation:

Resistance - an unwillingness to bring repressed feelings into conscious awareness.

Hm…. Not really what I’ve been feeling.... But on down the page I found a clue for another angle to search through:

resistance is a kind of unwillingness - the trait of being unwilling

With unwillingness having that circular kind of definition, I moved on. Continuing my search, I came across reluctance, which paired down to reluctant with three meanings:

1. unwillingness to do something contrary to your custom
2. unwilling to become involved
3. not eager

This was getting closer to what I’ve been feeling, so I went back to my journal:

Reluctance, what are you here to teach me?

Trying to get you to slow down and just be. Take a time-out.

Of course! Time out! I should have known. My computer does it to me all the time… and there was a definition for that, too!

Time-out:
In communications, the intentional ending of an incomplete task…. Timeouts are common in communications applications in order to free up a line or port that is tied up with a request that has not been answered in a reasonable amount of time. For each type of situation, there is a default length of time before the timeout is initiated....

Now THAT describes me and how I feel exactly! I’ve been tying up my lines with bunches of requests that have not been answered in a reasonable amount of time, which initiated a timeout....

But wait... that’s the same as overwhelm, isn’t it?

Here’s to continuing the Journey... gaining deeper understandings, and learning not to be so resistant about time-out!

-Becky

Sleeping on the Job

Sleeping on the Job,
originally uploaded by bwaters.

Apparently the cello lullabies I've been working on really work!

DC, my almost one-year-old kitty, frequently helps me out in my home office, providing inspiration and letting me know when it's time for a break.

This time it seems he was overcome by the "power" of the lullaby!

Just added the 4th (last) one Sunday night. Want to hear them? Click here... (best not to listen while driving or operating dangerous equipment.... just in case!)

Here's to continuing the Journey... working, playing.... and sleeping!

-Becky

Getting Back in the Swing

Thanks to the Cello Lullabies I've been writing this week, I think I'm gradually coming out of my funk and getting re-energized! (Use the link if you'd like to hear them.)

I hope to have the fourth one written and all of them formatted and ready for publication no later than June 24 - when I talk to my composer friend/business partner, Jim Stallings. (He lives in Atlanta.)

Jim and I started GembeckMusic a couple of years ago - it grew out of our brainstorming the question, "How can we help each other out as composers?" during the 3-hour graduation ordeal getting our Masters degree in Composition, May 2003.

We've made some progress, but as we are both very right-brained, the business still is in a late sort of "set-up" stage.

BUT - we made an agreement with each other yesterday to meet by phone every other week so that we can keep the momentum going and keep each other accountable to our To-Do lists. (I know, you left-brainers out there are probably thinking "well... duh!" But, like I said... we're composers!)

Anyway - this is also part of the reason for my re-energization! And the anticipation that I may actually achieve my goal of getting all my finished pieces uploaded to the GembeckMusic site and ready for sale!! (It's been on my To-Do list for... yeah, 2 years...!)

Here's to continuing the Journey... getting re-energized and back on track with my passion - writing music!

-Becky

Actually, the Truth is.....

.... in continuing the reasons why I have not written a post lately (as started in Life as a Sine Wave).....

The truth is that I had the wind knocked out of me.

After going on and on about how wonderful the experience was in my recent acting opportunity, (blog posts Basking in the Afterglow, Smoking Cast, Feed off the Audience and a whole newsletter dedicated to the idea of stepping out of one's comfort zone), I discovered that I was not chosen for the potential re-play of the show in January 2006 because I could not be heard consistently.

I could go on and on about the symbolic meanings of this.... but the short story is:

• I know that I have a quiet speaking and singing voice.
• I had a body mic on during the shows.
• I didn't realize I was not being heard.
• So I didn't even think about needing to project.
• I have projected and been heard across a noisy room several times in my life.
• But this takes a tremendous amount of energy (and in these instances a bit of frustration and fed-up-ness).
• I believe that being in the show helped to "cure" my fear of being seen by giving me the opportunity to "feel the fear and do it anyway".
  
• I am still grateful for the whole show experience and for the many things I've learned from being in it.
• I take this "rejection" as information that apparently I have a "fear" of being heard also.
• With this new "awareness" I've noticed other situations in the past weeks where this "fear" is being pointed out for healing.
• I sense that the two fears - of being seen and of being heard - are interconnected.
• Even though I intellectually understand all this, I think emotionally, I have been hiding and "licking my wounds".
• It's interesting that after the first weekend of the show, I woke up with a sore throat on Monday and could hardly swallow by Tuesday morning.
• I am grateful for doctor friends and strong drugs that helped me say "NO! This drama experience will not be sabataged!
• It's also interesting that this past Sunday I woke up with swollen, painful, stiff joints in my toes, ankles, fingers, knees and upper vertebrae in my back/neck.
• According to Louise Hay's book, Heal Your Body, swelling has to do with being stuck in thinking and clogged, painful ideas; stiffness has to do with rigid, stiff thinking.
• Working on the inner issues behind these physical symptoms has led to some interesting "aha's".
• These symptoms have nearly all gone away now.... I can wiggle my toes, make a fist, move my neck around and walk down the stairs without hanging onto the railing and grunting with each step!

Here's to continuing the Journey.... and learning more about myself from every experience life sends my way!

-Becky

Life as a Sine Wave

I guess I need to just accept the fact that my life is a sine wave.

I’ve known for a long time that I tend to go through a down period after finishing a big project. And I learned after grad school, that the longer or more intense the event, project or experience, the longer and deeper the down phase.

“Normal” projects like recitals, concerts, finishing a composition or web project, taking a weekend workshop, or going on a business trip, the usually down time is a day or two.

So after finishing my graduate degree a couple of years ago – a seven year project – I figured I’d be generous and give myself a whole month to recuperate. Then, I figured, I’d bounce back and get on with my new leisure life as a non-student, filling my time writing music and being a church organist.

Nice plan in theory. In reality, however, the down time lasted all summer. And somehow by mid-August, I’d filled my plate full of outside commitments and it was already time for the school year to start!

Even though it was a good, productive year – won lots of composition contests, wrote a couple of commissioned pieces, performed in several concerts, made a few business trips to hear my pieces performed, completed a six-month coach training course and went on a 10-day mission trip to Lithuania – the year was so busy, I had no real down time between projects.

And I didn’t even realize what had happened until the next August, when I was ready for summer – i.e. ready to go to the pool, enjoy a less busy schedule and work on some projects of my own – and “woke up” to realize that my summer was gone and that I’d spent it in a sort of unconscious haze.

And that at this point, the only thing left to do was grab a hold of the merry-go-round and start another equally, if not more busy school year than the last.

Finally, May 17, I checked the last thing off my list from this horrendously busy year then took a couple of “conscious” days off. After a weekend workshop in Atlanta where I had some major “aha’s,” I came back on Monday to begin a semi-conscious post partum down time.

I say “semi-conscious” because even though I’m aware of this down pattern, I still did not really plan time for it. In the last weeks of the busy-ness of the semester, as things were winding down, I scheduled all my summer projects, giving due dates, assigning specific days to work on each one, and even noting the specific number of hours to work on each project. My rationale was that since these “project hours” only added up to 15 or so hours each week, so I’d be able to easily work in my down time around them.

Again, a nice plan in theory. In reality, though, the strategy is not working.

Seems my body and my energy levels – physically, mentally and emotionally – have their own plan, and the past 10 days I’ve been doing a lot of sleeping, playing with my kitten and just sitting….

Last night I was talking with a friend I hadn’t seen since April. We were catching each other up on what we’d been doing and I realized that I was really embarrassed about not having worked much on the five projects I’d scheduled myself to be working on these past two weeks – a couple of which should have already been finished!

When he said, “oh, you’ve just been hanging around” like it was no big deal and a perfectly natural thing to do after a long busy time, I realized what I’d been doing to myself….

Over the last two weeks, I’d been becoming more and more antsy about potentially “wasting” another summer and I’d been berating myself for getting further and further behind on my projects!

Feeling like I’ve been catapulted out of a fast moving car and thrown onto the side of a cliff, hanging on by my fingernails, but sliding down slowly, slowly into dark canyon…. I’d been worrying about what to DO: Do I try to climb back up? Or do I let go? If I let go will I fly? Or will I just fall faster? And trying desperately to figure out a way NOT to get back on that merry-go-round in August!

His words were a reminder to give myself time to just BE….. instead of fighting it.

A poster on my wall says…

Stop sinking… change your way of thinking.

Maybe I’ll go back to my project list and pick out five things to work on during the whole summer! (instead of five in two weeks!)

For now though, I think I’ll go play with my kitty cat and maybe take a “regroup” nap before I move on to something else….

Here’s to continuing the Journey… finding out the hard way about energy cycles and sine waves… and learning – slowly – how to just ‘hang’ and BE!

-Becky

Basking in the Afterglow

All week I've been basking in the afterglow of the Smoke on the Mountain experience....

Last night, I went to a concert and twice had people (who I did not know) recognize me and tell me how much they enjoyed the show. (I've only lived in Huntsville a few years, so running into people who know me is still an unusual occurrence.)

Plus, this week as I've been up speaking in front of people - Toastmasters' meeting, choir rehearsal, my students' recital - I've felt different.... more calm, more self-assured... less anxious.... almost like it's just no big deal anymore!

I am so grateful for the experience and for such a fun way to step out of my comfort zone!

And since I am so bad at getting around to writing thank you cards, I wanted to say some thank you's to the Smoke Cast here.... especially since I'll miss the cast party on Sunday....

• Clint (Mervin, the preacher) - You are an incredible inspiration to me and a superb example of what it means to pour your whole self into your character and into the show. Every night you inspired us all to keep our energy up and to "get into the spirit". You put 110% + into everything you do and you're not afraid to learn new things - like how to play the piano and the accordion! I really enjoyed working with you in this new capacity and hope we get a chance to share the stage again!

• Emily (Denise, the "girl" twin) - Your ability to memorize the whole show word-for-word is amazing! You were the first one out of book and the first to know all the lyrics and chords to the songs. Everything you do, you jump into with excitement.... whether it's learning how to play piano or stand up bass for the show... or filling in on Dennis' solos the last night - sprained ankle and all! You are awesome!

• Amber (June, older sister) - One who "doesn't sing, I sign".... and steals the show every time with your "home-made" signing! You are also an inspiration and a tremendous example of what it means to get into your character 100%. You are a quiet, calm, yet intense presence on stage and I learned a lot from watching you. I hope we can work together again.

• Mel (Uncle Stanley) - Your beautiful voice, your solid vocal support and your strong stage presence was a joy to work with. Thank you for your dedication and learning to play the guitar and the stand up bass for the show!

• Kelly (Burl, father) - I already knew and appreciated your musical talents - vocal, guitar, bass, violin.... I really enjoyed working with you on stage and getting to know a little more about your many other talents and interests..... hunter, pilot, doctor, lawyer....

• Ryan (Dennis, the "boy" twin) - Watching you get into your monologue and solos was inspiring - definite "show-stealing" qualities! Every night, of all the songs in the show, I'd go home singing "Life is like a mountain railroad....." Thanks for all the energy you added to the show - and for learning the piano (and guitar!)

• Jayce (Cousin Cletus) - Banjo Picker, Extrodinaire!! You are amazing.... and it seemed like you just kept getting better and better! It would NOT have been the same show without your talented musical handiwork!

• Bob (Director) -Thank you for all you do behind stage to support the arts in Huntsville and through Renaissance Theatre. And I can't say thank you enough for giving me the opportunity and the encouragement to spread my wings and give the acting world a try..... It was an incredible experience and I loved it!

Here's to continuing the Journey.... stepping out and enjoying the ride with strong support and encouragement from a great, Smokin' cast.... Thank you!

- Becky

Smoke Cast

Smoke Cast,
originally uploaded by bwaters.

Tonight was the last show of a two week, 7-show run. I have loved every minute of it, from the first rehearsal to the end of tonight's show!

It has been a very rewarding - and definitely, comfort zone expanding experience.

Now, I have very mixed feelings - part of me is glad it's over, as this is the next to the last thing checked off on my rediculously busy Spring Semester. (Student recital on Tuesday is the last!)

But part of me is also a little sad. You have been my "family" over the last 2 1/2 months. And with no cast party tonight, the experience seems a little "unfinished" and incomplete.... I look forward to getting back together with everyone in a couple of weeks to celebrate!

Here's to continuing the Journey.... expanding comfort zones and making new friends!

-Becky

Political Profile

Just for the record... I'm not the least bit interested in politics. I can't even keep it straight in my head what "conservative" or "liberal" or "republican" or "democrat" means or stands for or anything.....

But when I discovered the How Liberal/Conservative Are You? quiz at Blogthings... my curiosity got the best of me! Here's my results: (sorry, I can't figure out what is making the profile frame be so far down! It's driving me crazy!!)

Your Political Profile

Overall: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Social Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

How Liberal / Conservative Are You?

Fascinating!

Here's to continuing the Journey.... and learning more bits and pieces about yourself!

-Becky

Decisions and Change

I apologize for not writing a post in awhile.... this acting stuff takes a lot of energy and time! Dress rehearsals Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and shows Friday and Saturday with a Sunday matinee! (Smoke on the Mountain) Plus my parents, their friends and a couple of my friends were in town for the Saturday show.

Needless to say, I'm very glad to be having a couple of days off! Then do four more shows this week - Wednesday through Saturday. I sure hope the sore throat I woke up with Monday morning is gone by tomorrow night!! Went to the doctor and got some hi-power drugs today. Not my usual mode of operation... but then, neither is singing and speaking in front of a lot of people every night!

In the meantime, between shows, lessons and coaching, I've been making decisions and changes in my life. So Decisions and Change seemed to be a good topic for the May issue of my newsletter, Create a Happy 'Tude.

Your life changes the moment you make a new, congruent, and committed decision.

- Anthony Robbins, American advisor to leaders

Here's to continuing the Journey... growing, changing, making decisions.

-Becky

"Feed Off the Audience"

At the beginning of my comfort-zone-stretching, first-time-since-10th-grade new actress adventure... (read Stepping Out for the background story)... the idea of memorizing all my lines and remembering where the heck to say them seemed like an impossible task! And I was terrified of the probability that the audience would be laughing or might even shout out comments or something during my monologue... (which IS hysterical!)

But all the experienced actors told me that I would know my lines and be so in to what I was saying that it wouldn't bother me, and that I'd actually "feed" off their laughter.

Well, I nodded and smiled like a "good girl," but I didn't buy it.

Last night, though, I got a taste of what they meant....

We had three older couples walk in unexpectedly during our rehearsal, giving us our first "real" audience.... and now I understand!

Wow... what a rush! Having them there laughing, singing along, enjoying the show was tremendously encouraging and energizing! Just think what it will be like with the whole place filled with people!

I can't wait... I'm hooked! Let the feast begin!

Here's to continuing the Journey.... stretching, growing, experiencing, believing!

-Becky

P.S. See pictures here.... scroll down to the second show listed. (I'm the one in the gold dress.)