Living in a Glass Cage

I'm coming to realize that I've been living in a glass cage most of my life.

I don't know if this has to do with being in the middle of "40 something" or not. But over the last year or so, I've started becoming more and more aware that what I do and say affects other people. And that getting involved in other people's lives, even in a small way, has an affect on them mentally, emotionally and even spiritually.

One of my core negative beliefs - and we all have at least one - is that I don't matter. This has colored my thinking and my decision making throughout my whole life. Intellectually I realize this is a false statement. And I've done a lot of work through the years changing this belief into an emotional knowledge that I DO matter. But like any work to change emotions and belief systems, it's a process - much like pealing an onion. We go through layers of change.

My first glimmer that I had hit a deeper level occurred a little over two years ago. I was teaching piano in Atlanta at the time, and was telling one of my adult piano students, in a rather matter-of-fact way, that I was moving to Huntsville. I had barely gotten the words out of my mouth when she suddenly burst into tears.

I was so stunned by the experience, I don't remember what I said afterward. Though, it was probably some type of "back peddling" trying to ease the emotional blow I'd just given her, and a little stuffing down the experience in my mind because I didn't know how to handle it.

But over the last several months the scene has resurfaced in my mind. I remember it vividly, like it just happened yesterday. I realize now that her reaction to me was much like my reaction to the important people and mentors in my life whenever they've told me they were leaving. I can still remember the sense of loss I felt with each one, knowing they would not be in my life anymore.

Yes. Our lives do affect other people.

This realization has also been reinforced though the funerals I've provided the music for during the past year. In each one, I've been moved by people talking about how much the deceased person meant in their lives. I've listened in awe as they tell stories of how this person touched their life, or how they saw this person make a difference in so many lives.

And to me, that is true success. That is how I want to be remembered.... And really, that is all I've ever wanted.... to make a difference in people's lives.

Yes. I see it now.... I DO have an effect on other people. And I will be more careful in my interactions with others.... because I matter.

Here's to continuing the Journey.... stepping out of the glass cage and joining humanity.

-Becky