Thursday, July 07, 2005

Deciding the Essence

Somewhere, many years ago I think during my teenage years, I heard or read the phrase: Don't limit God.

The context, as I remember, was to not limit God by telling him exactly what you wanted, what you wanted it to look like, and how you wanted it to appear.

Then, later, reading The 11th Element and other such books, it seemed they were all saying the opposite: Have a clear picture of exactly what you want and why you want it.

What's a girl to do!?

Looking deeper, I see that "Don't limit God" carried with it a sense of unworthiness and judgement, as in, "who do you think You are trying to tell God what to do!?"

So I either ended up apologizing for wanting things, or feeling guilty about wanting and asking, or even worse, going unconscious and just not thinking about what I wanted at all.

On the other hand, when I first read The 11th Element, I wrote my "letter to God" like it suggested and manifested an all expense paid trip to Lithuania. (You can read the story here.)

Since then, however, I haven't been able to get as clear on exactly what I wanted. Maybe that experience scared me since it went so against my childhood "training," I don't know.

Lately though, putting 2 and 2 and 2 together and coming up with 8... (yes 8... I never have liked having to follow someone elses rules!) ... I've realized that this whole "deciding what you want" issue revolves around essence:

Decide the essence of what you want and let God, the Universe, Spirit, whatever you want to name it, take care of the details!

An experience this week brought this idea closer home for me....

I've had this long standing desire to get back to the lifestyle I had when I first began teaching many years ago.... write music, articles, do all the creative stuff in the mornings, then teach in the afternoons, with students coming to me at my home.

Also, in a vision of my "ideal day" written I don't know how many years ago, I saw myself doing all the creative stuff in the mornings and people coming to my home office in the afternoons. I don't remember exactly what I or they were doing, just the essence and the "feeling" of it.

I was hoping, with this move I'm currently in, I'd be able to get back to that sort of daily/weekly schedule.... and was actually being a little stubborn about it, even when a friend kept offering other teaching ideas and possibilities.

Then, two days ago, I received an offer to teach a music appreciation class at UAH this fall. And, with the reality of the move setting in and needing some "for sure" income, (as opposed to "theoretical" income since I haven't started fall registration for my teaching studio yet), how could I refuse?

Besides, this opportunity will help get me a little further along in the stretching-my-comfort-zone goal to feel comfortable speaking in front of groups.

The only problem is that the class meets in the afternoons on Monday and Wednesday - which completely screws my teaching schedule idea!

So... back to the drawing board.... That's when I realized I needed to dig a little deeper and uncover the essence of what I wanted.

Here is what I discovered... I want:
  • Peace and harmony within myself,
  • To know that the work I do matters, and that it makes a difference in other people's lives,
  • To know that I'm living my purpose, that I am doing what I came here to do,
  • Financial abundance, with plenty to support my life and my business, and plenty to share,
  • A sense of connection with God and with other people,
  • A sense of being grounded and supported,
  • A feeling of freedom, lightness and joy.
All this... or something better! Thank you, God!

Here's to continuing the Journey.... having the courage to decide what you want, and then saying it!



Anonymous said...

I would think that "Dont Limit God" would mean to not busy yourself too much, but rather leave room in your life so that you can see and feel the living God within you.

Becky said...

Yes, it could. I had not thought of that perspective, but it makes perfect sense. And carrying the idea a step further.... perhaps that - i.e. not leaving any God Time in our day - is the REAL cause of stress in our life?

Thanks for the new perspective and more food for thought!


Nancy said...

Becky, this is very thoughtfully written and I understand the dilema you faced with the statement, "don't limit God". Too bad we weren't taught about "the God of possibilities" which may have carried a sense of self-worth instead of loathing. I love your 'essense' list, but admit I'll have to thing about how this is different from a list of goals.